have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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