So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
