He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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