I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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