Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
