I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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