You're my little dorito
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
