I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
