He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize