vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
