my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
