I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
