i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
