You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
