I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
