I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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