i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize