My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize