i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
