I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
