he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
