Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
farters have to be the big spoon...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
