I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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