he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize