I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
