I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize