One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
