my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
