I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
