I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
