Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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