Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
