someone threw a dead crab at me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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