After last night, I could never be a politician.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
