Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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