Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
