fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
