i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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