Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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