Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize