Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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