When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
