i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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