do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
