Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm just crazy horny about you
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
