Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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