Too much gin, very little bucket
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
