so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize