We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
