my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
