i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize