I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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