Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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