You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
