Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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