I need help removing her.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
