so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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