i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
