i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
