i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
