this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
