i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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