brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
That's when you crack a 10am beer
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
