I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
