You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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