my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
