Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
