there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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