I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
false alarm, still single
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
