I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
