If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
