can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
