i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
