Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
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